The Wilders of Summer

In the world of nuttier than peanut butter wilders, few individuals can match the buffoonery of professional athletes. They're the ominous product of a human equation gone wrong -- money + fame + (in most cases) a lack of education = some of the craziest shit we've ever been privy to. This formula is so mathematically sound, it might as well be listed in textbooks next to the Pythagorean Theorem. I mean, The New York Post used to have a header in its sports section titled "Daily Blotter," which was devoted entirely to athletes' run-ins with the law.
So, then the question isn't whether athletes will wild, but when and how? Just last night, police officers found Jacksonville Jaguars wide receiver Matt Jones (who? Matt Jones! who? Matt Jones!) in his car, cutting up coke with a credit card. Like a true wilder, he had a cut-off straw tucked behind his ear. If this story sounds familiar, that's because it is -- Mike Tyson was arrested a year and a half ago after Arizona police found him snorting yip-yip off his car dashboard.
It seems as if the blueprint for sports wildin' is well established. The stories may change, but the framework remains in tact. It hasn't always been like this, though. The pioneers of sports wildin' had no predecessors when they set the world on fire with their eccentric and, at times, demented antics. While some might look down at these figures, we here at YW see them as innovators, not necessarily for their actions, but for their struggle to bring wildin' to the forefront of our national psyche. We don't always condone their actions, but we admire their passion and must recognize it. And with the boys of summer in full swing, it's only seems appropriate to honor the Top 5 Wilders in baseball history.
5. Manny Ramirez (born May 30, 1972 in Santo Domingo, Dominican Republic), left fielder, Cleveland Indians (1993-2000) & Boston Red Sox (2001-Present): Many have come before Manny, but few have kept it as wild. As the greatest figure to come out of Washington Heights (sorry Mims), Man-Ram has put up stellar numbers -- 507 homers, 20 grand slams and a .312 career batting average -- but when all is said and done, we'll have a lot more than numbers to remember him by. This is a guy who named two of his sons Manny, and that's probably one of the more sane things he's done in his life. Now, Mr. Ramirez has never had any trouble with the law and as far as I know he doesn't fuck with illicit substances (maybe weed), but he's just naturally wild -- it's what we've come to know as "Manny being Manny." Let's take a look at some snippets from his wilderness: April 4, 1994 - In the first game of his rookie season, Manny hit a two-run ground-rule double in the 8th inning to tie the game. At first he thought he hit a home run, and continued to round the bases, until the third base umpire stopped him. The announcers commented on how he was a tremendous young hitter, but seemed to have a short attention span: Manny was then almost immediately picked off at second base by the catcher. September 7, 2002 - Ramírez requests the song Good Times (I Get High) by Styles P for his plate appearances. The unedited song's lyrics are played over the Fenway Park public address system. July 21, 2004 - From his spot in left-center field, Manny inexplicably made a diving play to cut off a relay throw from center fielder Johnny Damon, allowing David Newhan of the Orioles to score on an inside-the-park home run. May 14, 2008 - At Baltimore, Manny caught a Kevin Millar fly ball to deep-left, ran up the wall, and high-fived a Red Sox fan in the stands. Manny then turned around, fired the ball back to the infield, and doubled-up Aubrey Huff off of 1st base. And those are just a few of the Man-child's shenanigans, let us not forget his innumerable trade requests, his Green Monster cell phone and piss breaks, and his tendency to touch players in the dugout (e.g.- rubbing Pedro Martinez' head). Manny's unique in that fame and money didn't turn him into a wilder, he was born one.
4. Dock Ellis (born March 11, 1945 in Los Angeles, California), starting pitcher, Pittsburgh Pirates (1968-75, 1979), New York Yankees (1976-77), Oakland A's (1977), Texas Rangers (1977-79), New York Mets (1979): OK, so most of you must know why Ellis is on this list -- in 1970 he threw a no-hitter under the influence of LSD, even though, as he later admitted, he couldn't feel the ball or clearly see the batter or catcher (which is probably why he walked eight batters). It's safe to say that this cat was bonkers, but here are a couple of other wildin' moments you may not have heard about: In 1971, Ellis beaned Reggie Jackson in the face in apparent retaliation for Reggie's monstrous home run off Ellis in the 1971 All-Star game in Detroit. In 1974, Ellis attempted to hit every batter in the Cincinnati Reds to prove a point to his teammates. He hit Pete Rose, Joe Morgan, and Dan Driessen in the top of the first. The clean-up batter Tony Perez avoided Ellis' attempts, instead drawing a walk, and after two pitches aimed at the head of Johnny Bench, Ellis was removed from the game by manager Danny Murtaugh. Seems like Ellis, who finished his career with an impressive 3.46 ERA, was permanently living in the sky with diamonds. After a lifetime of wildin', he found Jesus and is now a drug counselor. Ironic, isn't it?
3. Kevin Mitchell (born January 13, 1962 in San Diego, California), outfielder, played for a shitload of team from 1984-1998 (most notably the New York Mets from 1984-86): Mitchell was raw, and I don't mean like meat. He was raw in the Ol' Dirty Bastard sense of the word. This is a guy who was shot three times in gang-related violence before he even took the diamond professionally. A guy who never wore a cup when he played because, as he put it, "I couldn't find one big enough for my junk." After being drafted by the Mets in 1982, Mitchell broke teammate Darryl Strawberry's nose after the two got in a fight during a pickup basketball game. Baseball fans may best remember him for making a running bare-handed catch on a fly ball to deep left field in 1989, but I remember him best for a story made famous by Dwight Gooden: One day during the Mets' famed 1986 season, Gooden and Mitchell were blowing mountains of coke at Mitchell's house, when the latter's girlfriend began arguing with him. As the tension grew, Gooden attempted to leave, but was stopped by a knife-wielding Mitchell who said, "Where do you think you're going n*****?" Forced to stay in the house, Gooden watched as Mitchell picked up his girlfriend's kitten and sliced it's head off. That, my friends, is too wild for words. Now, what I've already listed should be evidence enough for Mitchell's inclusion on this list, but, oh, there's more: In 1998, he was arrested for assaulting his father during an argument. And the metaphorical cherry on top of his diabolical career in wildin' came in 2000 when, as the manager of the Minor League Sonoma County Crushers, he punched the opposing team's owner in the mouth during a brawl. Mitchell was suspended for nine games. Clearly, Mitchell, who won the NL MVP in 1989, had wildin' ingrained in him at a very young age, but fame (and coke) helped him climb to the zenith of wildin'.
2. Ty Cobb (Dec. 18, 1886 - July 17, 1961), outfielder, Detroit Tigers (1905-26): Cobb may be one of the greatest baseball players ever, but he was also one scummy motherfucker. The Georgia Peach, as Cobb was nicknamed, batted a ridiculous .367, smacked 4,191 hits and stole home 54 times, but he also tried to spike opposing players with his cleats when running the bases. His career ended abruptly when rumors of game-fixing arose, and then, of course, there's the legend that he murdered a mugger by pistol-whipping him to death -- that shit is gangster to the core (ankle-wrap flame will paint your kitchen floor). What Cobb may be most famous for, however, are his bigotry and tendency to invoke violence. In 1907, he fought a black groundskeeper over the condition of the Tigers' field, and ended up choking the man's wife when she intervened. In 1912, he slapped a black elevator operator for being "uppity." When a black night watchman intervened, Cobb pulled out a knife and stabbed him. The matter was later settled out of court. In that same year, he challenged an umpire to a fight and then, after the game, pummeled him under the grandstand while teammates watched. Again, in 1912 (dude wilded out real hard that year), he assaulted Claude Lueker, a heckler, in the stands in New York. Lueker and Cobb traded insults with each other throughout the first three innings and then in the sixth Mr. Peach climbed into the stands and attacked the handicapped Lueker, who due to an industrial accident had lost all of one hand and three fingers on his other hand. When onlookers shouted at Cobb to stop because the man had no hands, he reportedly replied, "I don't care if he has no feet!" Enough said.
1. The 1986 New York Mets: In the immortal words of the great Rick James, "Cocaine is a helluva drug." That is definitely something the '86 Mets -- a talented bunch of rag-tag hotheads -- can attest to. In that glorious year, the Metties won 108 regular-season games and the World Series, but most of all, they captured the true spirit of the '80's -- excess, cockiness, and ballerness. Led by the indomitable Keith Hernandez and the young dynamic duo of Dwight Gooden and Darryl Strawberry, along with the gallant Scum Bunch, the Amazin's left a trail of wreckage and wildin' in their wake -- they snorted an Everest-sized mountain of yay, trashed hotel rooms and charter planes, swapped wives and girlfriends, and started a brawl in a bar in Houston that got several players arrested. Shit, there's so much to say about these guys, I could write a book, or another post. Guess you'll have to wait till then, cause I've babbled for far too long.