Some people use their rush hour time to read pretentious publications (AF). Others use it to try and complete the NYT crossword (TD). Some use it to write songs about floating in space with alien life form (VT). I seem to have trouble doing any of the things listed above. The only thing I can focus on is the utter absurdity of New York City subway passengers. If there is one phrase you absolutely must understand before riding on the MTA, it's "Let 'em off." If you don't understand this phrase...ay pobrecito...'sit for you. A few weeks ago, upon exiting the train, I gave a stiff shoulder (not to be mistaken with a truck stick...come on guys) to an aging foreign woman trying to board as the doors opened. I probably atleast killed her. I don't know. I didn't look back. But, as if being pushed around, sneezed on, and forced to listen to Daddy Yankee on full blast wasn't painful enough, now I have to teleport through a babushka to make it on to the platform. Boarding the train before passengers have time to get off may be the rudest thing New Yorkers engage in. It is a CARDINAL SIN in Name's book. Oh and for you tough guys...there's no limit to my scope of bodying. I will body thugs, children, animals and cops.
How much loot cake does the MTA take from me a year? Roughly $1,000. That's enough to cop a Bose surround sound system. You'd think that with my $1,000 x 9 fucking million people they'd be able to afford a decent audio PA system for every car of the train. Announcements like, "this B local train will be going express to 125th street after 59th street" are pretty important to the loser guy getting off of work at 7:30 PM and trying to get home to 86th street, where he lives with his parents and siblings. I've been in multiple trains where the degenerate (and most definitely half-tipsy) conductor has mumbled these important words over speakers that sounded like shit in 1978, a year when Clay Aiken was born and Cricketer Ian Botham became the first man in the history of the game to score a century and take 8 wickets in 1 inning of a Test match.
Lastly, I work on 54 and 3rd (YAY!), which means I take the E to the 53rd and Lexington train station. This has to be the most densely crowded train station in La Manzana Grande. With thousands of suit wearing IDIOTS (not me kiddo...check the Dunks) attempting to rise to street level on the longest escalator I've ever seen, I have 5 minutes to get to work before my boss chomps me with her gnarly British teeth. Here's where my second most important rule comes into play. LEFTSIDE: WALK UP / RIGHTSIDE: STAND. If you're a softbody/cripple dude, move right so cats like me can get to where we need to be.
Oh and if you're a tourist, reading this blog in hopes of learning the ropes. You're not welcome. Yea, I'm serious. Be out.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Rush Hour=Time to Think...
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10 comments:
good stuff.
i gotta be honest, and i dont dislike fat people, but i get so angry when obese people are on crowded trains. they take up sooo much more standing/ sitting space than the avrage guy. also i hate dudes that feel the need to sit on two seats. what kind of dick do u need to be to do that? plus, it is uncomfortable.
although, i dont hate tourists as long as they stay largely in midtown
Other things to do on the train during rh:
- get your lean on. When the train is OD packed, stand by the door where it's most crowded and let your bah-t go limp. Jump off!
- get style tips from the superfly latino young'ns
- you can always play the I'd rather pipe game. Although this game is more fun when it's late night and it's slim pickins...
get bikes
Woooord, son. I feel you 100%. Especially on the Daddy Yankee. People need to remember we live in NYC -- we live fast, we talk fast, we walk fast -- and step their train game up. The stairs thing is the most fucking ridiculous -- it's like people don't realize there are 5 million people taking the train everyday. As for letting people off before you get on, I actually think we're not that bad here -- when I lived in Madrid, I literally had to bum rush oncoming passengers to get off the train. They don't even try to move out of your way. And if some old woman gets in your way, give a nice stiff forearm or elbow (like you did Name) and she'll think twice next time. I don't care if that's mean or rude, on the train we're all equal -- it's our one communist refuge.
musings - i dont understand how the mta can work under such ridiculous losses every year when they're taking all out money plus ad space everywhere. I have no problem with anybody's music coming through the headphones, thats train ambiance, but they should play top 40 shit over the loud speaker, that'd be ill. The worst is when ur the only one coming off a non-crowded train and there is a persopn on either side of the door and they push past u on either side when it opens. This happened to me last week and it boggled my mind, hold the fuck up, theres mad seats and they are not leaving without u. They got stiff shoulders with elbows coming out cuz i didn't have enough body width to body them both and i din't want to have to pinball them.
Love those latina girls, if the trains suddenly halt, theres nothing left to grab onto but a phat ass.
insert john rocker 7 train rant here.
YW needs to revamp a dedicate itself to the mta, vision, "Train Trash" On the real, make the blog all about ny-life, angry anthropology style.
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