A-Rod Admits to Prior Steroid Use...SHOCKER!

Yankees Third Baseman Alex Rodriguez admitted to using performance enhancing drugs yesterday in an exclusive interview with ESPN's Peter Gammons. After repeated denials on questions concerning his potential steroid use in the past few years, A-Rod has finally come clean; admitting to steroid use in 2001-2003 while he was with the Texas Rangers.

With the witch hunt that has become major league baseball, few high profile baseball players have been exempt from the suspicious eye of the general public. Desperate sports writers, self-righteous, crusading politicians (George Mitchell), in-house MLB leaks/snitches, and money hungry, limelight seeking trainer types have broken down the house of cards that was major league baseball for the past 20 years.

Alex Rodriguez has joined the illustrious club SCTJ - also known by players within its membership as "Sluggers Clearly Taking Juice". A-Rod can now enjoy the company of Barry Bonds, Mark McGuire, Rafael Palmiero, Sammy Sosa, Gary Sheffield, Jason Giambi, Ken Caminetti, and a multitude of other players that remain closeted (there time is coming).

Now that I have gotten past the obvious, we can now go into the calamity that Alex Rodriguez is as a human being. Alex Rodriguez is a spineless, insecure bitch, that gets no sympathy from me or any other non-Yankee fan on this planet. Since Alex Rodriguez has been a Yankee, he's done nothing but bring trouble to himself, his rep, and the fabled team that pays him astronomical amounts of money. Allow me to run everyone threw the gauntlet.



1) A-Rod is an admitted steroids user - The gravity of this may be unknown to a casual sportsfan. A-Rod has been adament throughout his career, that he has never taken any illegal, performance enhancing drugs. In an interview with Katie Couric on December 17, 2007, Alex Rodriguez outrightly denied ever having used steroids. Stating "I got tested 8 or 9 times" (yeah that doesn't mean you weren't dirty). In response to Couric's question of his possible steroid usage, "I've never felt over-matched on the baseball field. I've always felt very strong and in a dominant position." Over a year later, A-Rod, the man obsessed with stats, self-image, and repuation has confirmed prior steroid use. If your going to be fucking noble, and this clean baseball robot that you attempt so vehemently to project on the public, DON'T TAKE STEROIDS!

2) A-Rod Impotent in Post-Season - As a Yankee, A-Rod has hit .230 BA, 4 HRs and 9 RBI in 24 post season games. I will also add, that what little success he has is completely inflated by hitting .421, 1 HR, and 3 RBI in a four game set with the Twins in '04, and another 2 HR and 5 RBI in the first three games against the Red Sox in '04, before the worst play-off collapse in American sports history. In the final four games, A-Rod hit 2-15. Showing what little sack he has left after three years of steroids abuse, becomes non-existent in crunch time.

3) A-Rod Pipes Madonna - Explain to me, how a person that makes over $27.5 a year, is 33, and at the pinnacle of his career would need to bone Madonna. She's fucking 50! I don't give a fuck if Madonna represents and exhibits the sexuality of our generation (actually probably not even the generation of YW writers and editors, because we were real young one when she was putting in work in the 80's). She speaks with a British accent, she looks as if she kind of has a permanent coke problem, and she's 50. Being worth hundreds of millions of dollars could land you 99.6% of the female population on planet earth! Looks aside...You could be the Elephant Man with that kind of cake and you could sleep with anyone you want. Explain to me how you were willing to be in every tabloid in the world for Madonna.

4) Lack of Swagger - This is a big, big problem. All-Worldly Talent and tremendous wealth, gives you the right to do whatever the fuck you want. You want to get away with murder, take advantage of a girl, make it rain at the club, shoot someone or yourself, whatever, money can allow you to do these things. Unfortunately that is the world we live in. A-Rod - in a direct conflict with his god given talent, has negative bravado. He has hired a life coach, swatted a ball feebly out of Bronson Arroyo's glove in desperation to get on base in the '04 ALCS, followed Jeter around like a puppy in his first year with the Yanks, and has repeatedly given the press outlandishly pussy feedback when inquiring about his life...

"I'm having a hard time finding a date. I don't trust any women I meet. I'm very skeptical."* - I always thought he was kind of dodgy, especially with his frost tipped hair, whatever that's him.

"I'm not impulsive at all — except about buying clothes. That's my biggest weakness."* Pretty much reinforcing my thoughts.

"I was one of those guys who really enjoyed homework. Sometimes I got kidded by my teammates. But I think kids should really participate in school and always have their homework done"* - That's why you were in the pros when you were 19, because you were really feeling homework.

"Looks aren't the number one thing. They have to have class, intelligence, then looks. If I was the ugliest SOB in the world it would be a lot easier."* Don't really know what this is in reference too, I just know he gets wild arrogant at the end.

* http://www.baseball-almanac.com/quotes/alex_rodriguez_quotes.shtml


5) Per At Bat Cake-A-Thon - Being a sports fan its hard for me to say athletes should make less money. I watch games, attend games, and by random, moderately priced apparell. But I will let you wrap your minds around this...

A-Rod makes roughly $27.5 mill a year (If you want numbers because your a fiend go to Elias Sports Bureau or Sports almanac or some shit). He has averaged just about 590 At Bats per season, since his first full year with the Mariners. What does that equate to per at bat based on his '09 salary????? $47,457,62 per at bat. Yes, A-Rod makes 50k an at bat. Pretty much making 8 g's for a foul ball. I can't even wrap my mind around that. Last year, you know when he struck out 117 times, he was making $5,552,541.54 striking out! That is amazing, getting 5.5 mill for failure is almost as hot at getting 100 million dollar bonuses when your company is begging on hands and knees for government bailout money. FAILURE = WEALTH? Where's my cake then?

Thanks A-Rod, you just consumed hours of my life you puss. Never again will I pay that much attention to you (pause!).