The Week in Sports Wildin': Sloppy Seconds, 3D Football, the Mediocre Steve Smith, and SUNY Basketball

It’s been a captivating week in sports, Plaxico Burress aside. With everyone hounding over Plaxgate and New York City gun laws, certain stories have gone by the wayside. But that’s what we’re here for. Which NHL star referred to his famous ex-girlfriend as “sloppy seconds?” Which New York Giant should’ve been carrying a gun? What the fuck is 3-D football? And why in the world would I ever waste your time with a story about a SUNY college basketball game?

1.Sloppy is for Joes, not Seconds: Former New York Ranger and Vogue Magazine intern Sean Avery got himself in some hot water with the NHL on Tuesday. Hockey’s favorite pest was suspended indefinitely by commissioner Gary Bettman for using a crude term about his former girlfriends now dating other hockey players. After a morning skate around in Calgary, Avery walked over to a group of reporters and asked if there was a camera present. When told there was, he said, "I'm just going to say one thing. I'm really happy to be back in Calgary; I love Canada," the Ontario native said. "I just want to comment on how it's become like a common thing in the NHL for guys to fall in love with my sloppy seconds. I don't know what that's about, but enjoy the game tonight." He then walked out of the locker room (check out the video above). Avery's ex-girlfriend, actress Elisha Cuthbert of "24" fame, is dating Calgary defenseman Dion Phaneuf; she had been romantically linked to Mike Komisarek of the Montreal Canadiens. Avery also dated Rachel Hunter, the former Sports Illustrated swimsuit cover model and actress who is now the girlfriend of Los Angeles Kings center Jarret Stoll. Avery, who prides himself on scrappy play and trash-talking, is no stranger to conflict – at the end of last season’s first-round playoff win over the New Jersey Devils, Avery referred to Devils goaltender Martin Brodeur as “fatso” after the goalie refused to shake his hand at the series’ conclusion. It’s unclear how long Avery will be suspended for, but the forward did issue an apology Wednesday hours before he was set to meet with Bettman in New York.


2.Where’s Plaxico When You Need Him?: With all the fuss surrounding Plaxico Burress, few media outlets are giving coverage to Giants receiver Steve Smith, who was robbed at gunpoint outside his gated Clifton, New Jersey home. According to police reports, Smith was robbed at around 4 a.m. Nov. 25 after hiring a car to drive him home. Police questioned the driver of the car, but Smith told them he did not believe the driver was the assailant or knew who it was. "I was definitely shaken," Smith said yesterday in his first public comments on the incident since it became public knowledge Sunday night. "I can't speak about it because it's an ongoing investigation, but it was scary." He was so traumatized by the incident outside his town house, that he’s moving.

3.Football in 3-D: Tonight’s game between the San Diego Chargers (Fuckfaces) and the Oakland Raiders will be broadcast live in 3-D to theaters in Los Angeles, New York and Boston. The events will be closed to the general public and will only be attended by the league’s broadcast and consumer-electronics partners. This is a preliminary step on what is likely a long road to any regular 3-D broadcasts of football games. Eight digital 3-D cameras will capture the action, and the signal will be transmitted to the theaters where the game will be shown on 3-D enabled movie screens and similarly equipped big-screen monitors. While details have not been released, 3-D industry executives say tickets for such a live telecast would be more expensive than a typical movie theater admission but would cost less than attending the game. General audiences will get to see live 3-D football next month when Fox broadcasts the Bowl Championship Series game, David Hill, the chairman of Fox Sports, said Tuesday. Meanwhile, tonight's 3-D broadcast could be a landmark in sports television history - such as ABC's first Monday night prime-time football game - and pave the way for home 3-D telecasts on enabled TVs, or it could simply wind up a curious footnote.

4.SUNY Geneseo Sons SUNY Oswego: Ok, so you’re still wondering why I’m wasting your time with Division III basketball. Well, in case you missed it, there was a wild finish between SUNY Geneseo and SUNY Oswego (check out the video above). Geneseo's Scott Morton hit a three-pointer with 17 seconds left to put his team up 83-82. Tommy Downing answered for the Lakers at the other end and scored to put the game at 84-83, Oswego. But what happened next, with only seconds left, is what got “Top Play” recognition on Sportscenter. With three seconds left, Geneseo’s point guard runs the length of the court and has his layup blocked, only for Morton to grab the ball and flip it up over his head. It goes in as time expires. Geneseo beat Oswego 85-84. This is the most press a SUNY basketball team has received since a Serbian SUNY Binghamton player beat the shit out of some kid I went to high school with.