Gambling is crack. Simple and plain.
From the roulette tables down in A.C., to those Sunday night poker games; everyone likes to dabble here and there. But for most of us sane, frugal, working folk - it never really goes beyond the occasional taste. Unless, of course, gambling is your job.
Now, pro gamblers are wild in their own right, but I'm not here to pass judgment on one's profession. Nor am I trying to denounce a practice that I myself partake in from time to time. I am simply here to shed some light on what happens when the Internet decides to wild out and fuck with the rest of humanity.
This is my open letter to gambling websites:
Dear Degenerate Websites (porn not included - we love you),
Nogs here. Did you know that last night my roommate lost $300 of real money in online roulette? ONLINE ROULETTE. Who plays such a game? Better yet, what kind of monster brings an already addictive, zero-shot-at-winning, casino game to your desktop? Huh? And I bet you were thrilled when poker became big. Just last week my other roommate locked himself in his room for 5 hours playing hold 'em. I heard nothing but the sound of e-chips stacking and cards shuffling the whole night.
Now, I know what you're thinking: my roommates are in dire need of some pussy. While there is no doubting this fact, you have still reeked havoc on the wallets and hearts of many hard working Americans. As I write this post, there are hundreds of thousands of men, woman, and children (fake id's), risking life and limb to get their taste. When will it end? On Intrade.com, you can gambling on whether USA and/or Israel will execute an overt Air Strike against Iran by September 30, 2008. ARE YOU SERIOUS KIDDO?
In sum, you are wildin'. Stay out of our homes and our Macbooks. It's hard enough to say no to a key bump on a Friday night, we don't need 24/7 readily available crack that strips us of our money and dignity. Boogies are $9.00 for Christ sake!
BTW- when will NFL preseason spreads be available?
Sincerely,
Nogs
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
You gotta know when to hold 'em...
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2 comments:
Nogs, I recall us putting odds on whether you would black out on July 4th. The odds were 5-1. Someone made a lot of money. The question is: Is gambling on Wildin' acceptable?
Damn, I wish I could have gotten in on that action.
What are the odds that Nogs will blackout on any given night? I will take that...
Wagering on wildin' is a way up stepping it up, increase the ratio of wildin' to sanity expnonentially. Example:
How many beer cans out of every ten that Nogs throws from our Billyburg rooftop party will hit fake/real/whogivesafuckabout hipsters on the rooftop across the street?
The only thing that would make me feel better about seeing someone wearing skinny jeans, short-sleeves -with-a-vest-over-it having their fedora knocked off, would have to be winning money from it happening.com
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